I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
