Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize