is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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