No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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