I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
do nipples grow back?
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