Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
