oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
