Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
