Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
