You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to align my fucking chakras
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
