spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
