i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
