Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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