Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why is there bacon in the couch?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
