There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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