Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize