Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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