Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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