He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
