best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
