it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
