So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Pants are for mortals
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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