oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
