a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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