do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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