Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
