My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your penis caused this!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize