so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
