I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
