wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
