I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
