Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
