ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
