Umm I'm too high to move.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
