no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
