Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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