are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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