This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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