Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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