you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
