There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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