i wish my penis had a tongue
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize