whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
