I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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