Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
