my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
