your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
