Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sober January is a disaster.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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