Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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