My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize