Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
this is an emotional support booty call
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
