your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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