It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
