Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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