Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize