when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it hurts more in the daytime
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
