I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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