I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
