Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
