So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
