When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
