some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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