Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
