living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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