Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
