I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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