I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
